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Dec. 12th, 2006 01:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
greatbritonBeen really bored the last two days. Been off of work.
I just got home from watching the movie Holiday with Katie. it was good...but way too long. And didn't have enough of the Kate Winslet/Jack Black storyline in my opinion. *sigh* And Katie got a phone call from Vespa at the end of the movie. And the entire experience made me feel like...i'm missing something.
And I had a revelation about the entire Lumberjack thing. I figured out earlier that its not Lumberjack himself I felt crappy about losing, but the company. And the last couple days I haven't even missed the idea of remaining friends with Lumberjack. I now know I felt crappy about the whole thing because its the most real relationship I've ever been in. I know its kind of sad...but it was the closest I've ever been to having a real boyfriend. Not that during the moment I really thought of it like that...never thought about it until afterward when I realized he had been kind of treating me like a girlfriend. It made me happy.
And now I want that. Not from him. Because I've come to the realization that he's a confused 20 year old who is going to Motorcycle Mechanics Institute to learn how to fix motorcycles and then move back to Virginia...where...a life as a motorcycle mechanic can't be TOO fruitful. And on top of that his mother is paying for his school and living...and he pretends he's self sufficient and a little bit high and mighty. He was fun...and I still want to fuck his bones, but he's just...not for me. Unless he calls me up and wants to do the whole friends with benefits thing. *mmmm* But I digress...
Tonight...I broke free of the nagging need to get a hold of him and find out the "REAL" reason for his breaking up with me. And I'm free of the need to care if he cares. I don't care. And it feels good. And now I know what I've learned from this chapter of my life. To be bold and unafraid. And to experience. My female pride got a slight scuff from this thing...but I don't regret a single thing.
Katie and I also came to the realization, while out walking Nelson, that men...are not simple creatures. We agree that it is harsh to generalize...but c'mon! Even men come forward and say they're simple! But alas...they are as complicated as us women folk. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating that part a bit. Women do tend to over analyze the smallest details when it comes to relationships. But men...men...at least the ones I've encountered...are not entirely fueled by sex. As Katie and I's current sexless state will prove.
I found the man who doesn't want a relationship but doesn't like the idea of no-strings attached sex. And Katie found the man who likes to sleep. Literally. SLEEP. Poor girl gets snuggle calls instead of Booty calls. :(
Argh! I don't know why I'm ranting. And I don't even think any of that explained my newfound clarity that well. But this is what happens when you begin watching Sex and The City and then go out to watch The Holiday. I apologize.
I just got home from watching the movie Holiday with Katie. it was good...but way too long. And didn't have enough of the Kate Winslet/Jack Black storyline in my opinion. *sigh* And Katie got a phone call from Vespa at the end of the movie. And the entire experience made me feel like...i'm missing something.
And I had a revelation about the entire Lumberjack thing. I figured out earlier that its not Lumberjack himself I felt crappy about losing, but the company. And the last couple days I haven't even missed the idea of remaining friends with Lumberjack. I now know I felt crappy about the whole thing because its the most real relationship I've ever been in. I know its kind of sad...but it was the closest I've ever been to having a real boyfriend. Not that during the moment I really thought of it like that...never thought about it until afterward when I realized he had been kind of treating me like a girlfriend. It made me happy.
And now I want that. Not from him. Because I've come to the realization that he's a confused 20 year old who is going to Motorcycle Mechanics Institute to learn how to fix motorcycles and then move back to Virginia...where...a life as a motorcycle mechanic can't be TOO fruitful. And on top of that his mother is paying for his school and living...and he pretends he's self sufficient and a little bit high and mighty. He was fun...and I still want to fuck his bones, but he's just...not for me. Unless he calls me up and wants to do the whole friends with benefits thing. *mmmm* But I digress...
Tonight...I broke free of the nagging need to get a hold of him and find out the "REAL" reason for his breaking up with me. And I'm free of the need to care if he cares. I don't care. And it feels good. And now I know what I've learned from this chapter of my life. To be bold and unafraid. And to experience. My female pride got a slight scuff from this thing...but I don't regret a single thing.
Katie and I also came to the realization, while out walking Nelson, that men...are not simple creatures. We agree that it is harsh to generalize...but c'mon! Even men come forward and say they're simple! But alas...they are as complicated as us women folk. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating that part a bit. Women do tend to over analyze the smallest details when it comes to relationships. But men...men...at least the ones I've encountered...are not entirely fueled by sex. As Katie and I's current sexless state will prove.
I found the man who doesn't want a relationship but doesn't like the idea of no-strings attached sex. And Katie found the man who likes to sleep. Literally. SLEEP. Poor girl gets snuggle calls instead of Booty calls. :(
Argh! I don't know why I'm ranting. And I don't even think any of that explained my newfound clarity that well. But this is what happens when you begin watching Sex and The City and then go out to watch The Holiday. I apologize.
