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greatbritonSome things are really starting to get to me. Under the cut is a long rant about my newfound confidence in myself...and why that is making other people piss me off. I don't think it makes sense to me either...
I think in the last year...half a year...I've changed a lot. Not in I'm a totally different person kind of way. But in an evolving, becoming a stronger person kind of way.
I feel like I've really started to find myself. I can look back and see situations that I wouldn't have been able to go through a year ago. I've become more comfortable with myself which has allowed me to get things done that I wouldn't have before.
I am at a stage where I'm taking chances, I'm learning what it is I want and what I enjoy doing...on my own. I'm not thinking about what other people want to do or what they want me to do...but what I want to do. I'm mean that in a way that I used to make decisions based on my relationship with Katie. My best friend. I couldn't do anything without her!! NO! I was only limiting myself. If there's something I want to achieve I can't let her hold me back or anybody else...and then that makes me bitter...and there were just unknowing participants in my weird problems. I'm more independent...more social..happier. I'm feeling great!
But, I'm getting irritated with people when they make comments or judgements on me. Like with my new job...all the people closest to me have supported and helped me. A few people that I like but don't really know ME have commented that I don't seem like the person for that kind of job. That pisses me off. I got quite irritated when Dan Dan the Production Man says to me "You're not chatty enough to sell cars." And yes, based on his experience with me I'm not chatty...but with the awkward and personal relationship we have...I become less chatty. Strangers..for a job...I can chat all day. I don't like that assumption he made. Especially coming from a man who has made as little effort as he possibly can to get to know me. So, for him to create an opinion of me...and assume that's how I am...pisses me off.
Then today. I'm talking with Wayne on the phone. I'm falling into the world of motorcycles and reading/riding/learning about bikes constantly...Crash course in bikes. I've fallen in love with a type of bike...Nakeds/Streetfighters. I was contemplating getting funding to go by a big naked bike...then I did some more looking and after Gerry suggested the idea that you could always streetfighter your own bike...I found that some people had Streetfightered the 250. They looked freaking bad ass!! A new idea was born.
I tell Wayne that I might want to streetfighter my bike. He asks me "Why?" in that bad kind of "Why the hell would you want to do something stupid like that?" way. He doesn't like the streetfighters or what he says people call streetfighters, and gets all cynical on the idea. But why the hell not!?! Its my bike...I like riding it...I want it to look the way I want it to look. I don't know why he's getting on my case about it.
I actually don't even know why it bothered me. I guess its everything all together is bothering me. Every decision I make...there's always someone there asking me "Why the fuck would you do that?" And after awhile it gets old.
Or maybe its more about people just accepting people for who they are and what they want. I'm finding myself and I like having room to do that.
In other none rambling news. I'm seeing The National in two weeks!!! Two weeks!! Time has flown by and now I'm getting nervous/excited. I've been watching some videos of recent live performances in New York...and its nice but at the same time depressing that more people are really into The National. Nice for them and I'm glad they're getting popular. Depressing for me...because you get jackasses at shows that like to shout and scream and clap like idiots. The National's music does not go well with people shouting song requests mid-song...or Wooping during the intro to a song like "90-Mile Water Wall". Its not...right. I hope this doesn't happen at the show I go to. Maybe I'm a music snob when it comes to this band...but please!!!! Don't ruin this night for me by screaming nonsense over the music and vocals. Low vocals don't mesh with high pitched wailing...*begs the gods* Let the show be good!!!!
I think in the last year...half a year...I've changed a lot. Not in I'm a totally different person kind of way. But in an evolving, becoming a stronger person kind of way.
I feel like I've really started to find myself. I can look back and see situations that I wouldn't have been able to go through a year ago. I've become more comfortable with myself which has allowed me to get things done that I wouldn't have before.
I am at a stage where I'm taking chances, I'm learning what it is I want and what I enjoy doing...on my own. I'm not thinking about what other people want to do or what they want me to do...but what I want to do. I'm mean that in a way that I used to make decisions based on my relationship with Katie. My best friend. I couldn't do anything without her!! NO! I was only limiting myself. If there's something I want to achieve I can't let her hold me back or anybody else...and then that makes me bitter...and there were just unknowing participants in my weird problems. I'm more independent...more social..happier. I'm feeling great!
But, I'm getting irritated with people when they make comments or judgements on me. Like with my new job...all the people closest to me have supported and helped me. A few people that I like but don't really know ME have commented that I don't seem like the person for that kind of job. That pisses me off. I got quite irritated when Dan Dan the Production Man says to me "You're not chatty enough to sell cars." And yes, based on his experience with me I'm not chatty...but with the awkward and personal relationship we have...I become less chatty. Strangers..for a job...I can chat all day. I don't like that assumption he made. Especially coming from a man who has made as little effort as he possibly can to get to know me. So, for him to create an opinion of me...and assume that's how I am...pisses me off.
Then today. I'm talking with Wayne on the phone. I'm falling into the world of motorcycles and reading/riding/learning about bikes constantly...Crash course in bikes. I've fallen in love with a type of bike...Nakeds/Streetfighters. I was contemplating getting funding to go by a big naked bike...then I did some more looking and after Gerry suggested the idea that you could always streetfighter your own bike...I found that some people had Streetfightered the 250. They looked freaking bad ass!! A new idea was born.
I tell Wayne that I might want to streetfighter my bike. He asks me "Why?" in that bad kind of "Why the hell would you want to do something stupid like that?" way. He doesn't like the streetfighters or what he says people call streetfighters, and gets all cynical on the idea. But why the hell not!?! Its my bike...I like riding it...I want it to look the way I want it to look. I don't know why he's getting on my case about it.
I actually don't even know why it bothered me. I guess its everything all together is bothering me. Every decision I make...there's always someone there asking me "Why the fuck would you do that?" And after awhile it gets old.
Or maybe its more about people just accepting people for who they are and what they want. I'm finding myself and I like having room to do that.
In other none rambling news. I'm seeing The National in two weeks!!! Two weeks!! Time has flown by and now I'm getting nervous/excited. I've been watching some videos of recent live performances in New York...and its nice but at the same time depressing that more people are really into The National. Nice for them and I'm glad they're getting popular. Depressing for me...because you get jackasses at shows that like to shout and scream and clap like idiots. The National's music does not go well with people shouting song requests mid-song...or Wooping during the intro to a song like "90-Mile Water Wall". Its not...right. I hope this doesn't happen at the show I go to. Maybe I'm a music snob when it comes to this band...but please!!!! Don't ruin this night for me by screaming nonsense over the music and vocals. Low vocals don't mesh with high pitched wailing...*begs the gods* Let the show be good!!!!
